


Tingle Time

by Dontjudgemyfanfichistory, McTimeWithAutomail, Somewhat_Ficz



Series: LU group writing crack fics [3]
Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: April Fools' Day, Crack, Gen, Linked Universe (Legend of Zelda), Tingle Time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:41:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23456455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dontjudgemyfanfichistory/pseuds/Dontjudgemyfanfichistory, https://archiveofourown.org/users/McTimeWithAutomail/pseuds/McTimeWithAutomail, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somewhat_Ficz/pseuds/Somewhat_Ficz
Summary: Tingle Time
Relationships: Malon (Legend of Zelda)/Time (Linked Universe)
Series: LU group writing crack fics [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1687420
Comments: 12
Kudos: 33





	Tingle Time

**Author's Note:**

> Tingle Time

“That’s the edgiest thing I’ve seen in a while.” Said Legend, to a sword. “Just look at that.”

“Well they’re just the right prices for you Mr. Hero, you pay for what you get.” Ravio popped out of nowhere. 

“Excuse you, my name is not “Mr Hero”, I only identify as Your Majesty/Your Royal Sexiness.” Legend threw on a pair of shades to hide his tears over Marin. 

“:0” Ravio expressed

“How tf did you say that out loud?” Legend screamed in fear.

“Through the power of State Farm.” Ravio winked. “With Geico you save 15% or more on Divine Beast insurance.”

“But Nationwide was on  _ my  _ side.” Time cried. “As an adult I spent all of my time finding the best insurance.”

“Dear you, spend our life supply of rupees on beanie babies.” Malon comforted him. 

“It was a safe investment.” He sobbed.

“I’m sorry Time, but Nationwide is not on the side of a THOT like you, get your thighs out of my store.” Ravio threw a shoe at Time.”

"Hey can yall SHUT UP?" Twilight shouted, poking his head out from under a mazda.

“FUCK YOU RAVIO, YOUR JUST SAYING YOU CAN”T HANDLE THE GLORIOUS SIGHT OF MY THIGHS!” Time shouted as he pointed a middle finger at ravio as he exited the store.

“NO! AT LEAST TAKE ME TO DINNER FIRST!” Ravio cried, the clap of his asscheeks echoing through the room as he walked out.”

  
  


“TIME YOU ARE NOT TAKING MY MAN!” Marin shouted.

“Marin!” Shouted Legend. “You’re alive!”

“Of fucking course I’m not alive, I’m just your shoulder angel, dumbass. I’m stuck on this plane of existence until you go stab the WindFish to bring me back to life. Now here’s a knife, go fetch!” Marin grabbed a knife, throwing it at the wall next to Legend. 

“No one will be stabbing anyone!” Yelled Sky, the only reasonable one. 

"You Cant Tell Me What to do it not my Dad!!!" Wind immensely kicked the poor skyloftian right in the jewls.

“Sky may not be your dad, but he’s a fucking terrible dad. He went to buy milk from the store and fell off of Skyloft, abandoning Sun and her 20 loftwing babies.” Ravio commented. 

“I was NOT prepared to be a father! You can’t hold that against me!” Sky tried to tackle Ravio. 

“You could at  _ least _ pay your child support! Lofty Jr the 16th needs  **birdseed!”**

“Well how was I supposed to know he needed to eat!”

Twilight pulled up in his toddler dora the explorer wild adventure mobile. Blasting the theme from the speakers. “Wattup cowboys.” he greeted. He was wearing a Cowboy hats and appropriate boots. 

“Can you say mental breakdown?” Four asked from the corner, where everyone forgot about him since he looks like a 4-year-old girl with a garbage haircut. “Because I’m  _ this _ fucking close!” He pinched his fingers together before decking Warriors.

“The wild west will come for us all.” Twilight said nodding wisely. 

Hyrule glanced over at Twi with a look of utter confusion. "Hey Twilight where the fuck are your pants?"

“I don’t know i just woke up with no pants and decided to not give a fuck.”

“You see son, Twilight is too western for pants. He lives in underwear because it makes it easier to avoid soaking all of his clothing with tears over Midna, wherever that trolls doll lives now…” Time shrugged, brushing the hair of a trolls doll that looked  _ suspiciously _ like Midna.

“You promised not to tell anyone!” Twilight shrieked. 

“Well son, sometimes you just gotta give people the information they need.”

He used his pantsless legs to roundhouse kick Time in the ass.

“The only information people need is that Navi left you because you’re a little bitch.” Twilight snapped back.

“SON. Well fuck you. Who knew having a son was this difficult.”

"Hey guys why is Warriors unconscious?" Hyrule added once again, noticing the captain passed out on the floor with a very innocent looking four standing by. "No idea." The gremlin lied.

“Warriors is to bi to be alive, that’s why.” 

Suddenly, above them all, the sky darkened. The heroes looked up above them and saw

  
  


**_THE TINGLES_ **

“KOOLOO!” They all shouted. “LLIMPA!” Their screams blocked the sound of everything else, their bodies blocking the sun. No one could see and they all cried for Hylia to save them. 

The heroes were drowning in a ball-pit of Tingle, and no one could stop the tingle-pocolypse.

“Help I’m drowning!” Shouted like, all of them. They were swimming in concentrated Tingle. 

“FUCK!” Legend shouted.

“Legend this is a FUCKING CHRISTIAN MINECRAFT SERVER.” Four shouted. “We will not have your FILTH IN THE PLACE!”

“YOU THINK I CARE!?” 

“THE LORD CARES!”

“WELL I”VE HAD ENOUGH OF HYLIA AND WHAT DOES THIS “LORD” HAVE TO DO WITH IT. WHAT HE WANTS TO MESS WITH ME TOO?!”

“Didn’t you hear the latest Arianna Grande Song? God is a women now.” Time said as he drank his women respecting juice.

“You mean Woman instead of women? Like woah-man, I’ll drink some of that juice too.” Wind clinked his ocarina filled with Chateau Romani against Time’s, playing some sort of song on it as he drank. The drink burst out from the holes since he blew into it like a dumbass. 

“Wind that is my Ocarina, and also a family heirloom to the royal family, where did you find that and can I have it back please.” Time asked as he held out a hand. “Feel free to leave alcohol in there tho, I could use that.”

“You also wanted Navi back, but you didn’t get that either, did you old man?” Wind hid it behind his back before yeeting the ocarina into the ocean of tears Legend almost died in. 

Warrior's sat up with a very serious question on his mind. "Do Seagulls have Feelings???"

“Like Likes do, and I know that for a fact.” Said Hyrule. “They  _ succ. _ ” 

"So no head?" Tingle spoke softly, looking unsurely as the Heroes all looks horrifically stupid. "Where did all those braincells go????"

  
  


“I forgot we were drowning in soft plump tingle ass.” 

“His ass be thicker than Time’s thighs.” Malon nodded knowingly before floating up towards the heavens to escape the chaos. 

“Honey. . . ” Time said, feeling betrayed.

“What? I’m just expressing how I feel.”

The tingles surrounded them. Closing in on the heroes. “But our maps.” They all said at once.

“Back away you heathens!” WInd shouted while holding out his sword in front of him as protection.

“Heathens, how dare you! I refuse to be associated with 21 Pilots…” Tingle frowned. 

“It’s TWENTY ONE PILOTS YOU FILTHY NORMIE TRASH!” Screamed legend, mascara running down his face. Nico in the Niners playing in the background.

Hylia looked down on the children before sighing at this. "I dont you understand that he's gone." 

"I dont think you're taking this seriously" Time gDotn lared 

“And I’m also not taking my ADHD meds, but that’s beyond the point!” 

“This is the dollar store, how good could those meds be?” Time raised an eyebrow. 

“They’re better than Sky’s essential oils he tried to heal me with.”

Sky runs in, throwing his toilet paper scented essential oils at Time. “LET ME SEE YOUR MANAGER!”

"LOok I just wORK here okay!" if you have issue with anything take it up with her obnoxious obnoxiousness. He demanded to be free from his nprison.

Sky gave him the glare.

Time returned the favor with the “glare”.

So there they were behind a counter and in front of the counter. Having a mexican standoff. Both of them are not daring to back down.

Wild ran into the room, shoving 500 apples into his mouth as he watched the stare down. “THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTINNNNNNNG”

Tingle stood shocked at the girls throwing stares, it was so intense that the whole store felt like melted butter. The glares were so on point that the mascara wielded their own glares towards each other. None were the wiser as the whole room fell into ice.

Twilight barged into the room. “ALRIGHT WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!?”

Tingle exclaimed, "WHAT IN THE FRESH FUCK DO YOU THINK, BOI?"

Then with the most manliest voice he had Twilight said. “LET THE MEXICAN STANDOFF TRULY BEGIN.”

_ Clap clap clap _

A noise fills the room

Ravio has returned. “What fresh hell is going on with you guys?! If I buy back the master sword from Ganondorf will you stop acting like this?”

“The ravungus days are OVER!” Heyrule shouted as he went to smash in the bunny guy’s head.

Hylia and Tingle eventually became gods as they graced Time with open arms to face his forever dream of eternal damned.

The end

_ fin _

**Author's Note:**

> Tingle Time


End file.
